I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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