id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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