I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
