I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
