Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
