so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
