he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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