you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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