I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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