Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
