pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
