If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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