she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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