Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
