It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize