Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
