i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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