That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
