i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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