While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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