I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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