carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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