I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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