your room smells of hookers.
And success
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
