This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
