Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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