Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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