Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
