I think I won the penis lottery.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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