maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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