Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
