My balls are so social today.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize