I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
