well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
