You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
