so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
