No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This baby is an asshole
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
