Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
