I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
