My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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