I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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