checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees