Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.