let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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