Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night