he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.