I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.