And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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