I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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