Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
