sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
