I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
