He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
