I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
