I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
