You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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