Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
