just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
