i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
