our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
