I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
