So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
