Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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