FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
